My First Free Day

After 20 years as a TV news anchor and four months as a self-employed whatever I am, I had my first FREE day.  A day when the kids climbed on the school bus, and I had NOTHING on my schedule.  Well, nothing until 4:30 when daughter number two gets home, then 5  when I pick up daughter number one, and then 6:00 when daughter number one needs to be at guitar.  Anyway, it was a SLOOOWWW day.

I spent my normal time at Starbucks then Melissa and I ran around checking out saloons for her impending move closer to home base.  We made a couple stops at Woodard’s Mercantile, and Lowe’s doing last minute house things, then she had  lunch plans and I decided to run  a few more errands.  I kept thinking, so this is what people talk about when they say, “I could NEVER work, I’d be bored.”

I wasn’t bored, but I was feeling something.  I felt like I was cheating, like I was going to get caught and be reprimanded.  I was getting things done, on my own time, and I almost went to the pool one last time, but I couldn’t do it.  Why?  Because someone somewhere along the way must have made me feel bad that I decided to jump off the fast lane, and live a different life.  I’m not sure who it was, and I don’t really care, but I want that person to go away, and stay away.  If I’m going to be broke, I’m going to be happy and I’m loving having nothing hanging over my head, except this “crazy guilt” that maybe I should be doing more.  The only MORE I could be doing, is making MORE money.  I’m busy enough, happy enough, and peaceful enough, I don’t understand why that “guilty” feeling won’t go away.  I guess deep down I don’t believe I deserve a better life.   I think I might need therapy because even I know, that sounds just plain CRAZY.  I’m Anita Cochran, and  as weird as it sounds, that what I really wanted to say.

 

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